Making final arrangements for accommodation at the Rebellion festival has been stressful as today was the 'sort of' final day to get everything agreed. Granted we are a week away from it but I cannot imagine how much still needs to be attended to by the organisers so I just hope my second proposal for who’s staying and for how long, is agreed. One thing is for sure, we are in a hotel a lot closer to the venue than last year and it is on the sea front near the north pier. I just hope we have some nice weather, I love the sea and if I am near it, I need to get down on to the beach and walk along the waters edge.
Last year I stood watching the waves on a boiling hot day and at that time thought that we had played our final gig. Little did I know that a year later we would be back. However this time it is the final gig.
But I know no one will believe me anymore.
Anyway I spoke to our entire crew via telephone today and everyone is getting excited and looking forward to the weekend starting on Friday 11th August. The final arrangements came together so we are pretty much ready to go.
We have a lot to live up to as last year Wasted was a dream gig playing in front of 1500 Neurotics fans, surely this years one can’t match that. Maybe not, that would be too much to ask but I have to be sanguine about that and just enjoy it for what it is and nothing else.
1963
I sat bolt upright in my Pear Tree Mead bed and there stood my dad.
He looked angrier than I had ever seen him before and a feeling of dread washed over my body.
“The Police have been back”, he said, “They’ve just left”
“Oh” I said, which didn’t mean anything but at least it was a response. I thought that silence would be construed as an act of defiance rather than being stumped as to what to say so “Oh” it was.
“They have been round to interview both Billy and Graham and their stories match up that it was you who set light to the lorry”
“Was it you?”, he barked, and I jumped again as though I had being struck.
“No, it wasn’t me, it was Billy!”, I read the situation wrong, I thought that if it was this bad now, how much worse would it be if I admitted it.
I got it wrong.
You’re lying, you’re a liar! You’ve been lying all along, haven’t you? Haven’t you? Look at me when I’m talking to you.
My mum appeared behind him.
Leave him alone Len, it’s not helping, it’s not going to change anything.
He turned to her and said, “and who asked you?, go back down to the kitchen, if you hadn’t have been so soft on him in the first place none of this would have happened, this is YOUR FAULT.
He turned back to me “admit you burnt that lorry to the ground!”
I had run out of what tiny voice I had left, my bottom lip just quivered as if I was whispering the 'Lords Prayer' at breakneck speed.
“That’s not fair” she replied, how can this all be my fault, I’ve done my best to bring him up properly.
OH YEAH, and this is the way he repays you, we came to this town for a clean break, a new life, a brand new home a bright future for all the family and the girls have just moaned about wanting to live back in London and him, him! You and the move and this town has produced this idiot.
“I’m not an idiot” I manage to protest with a cracked voice.
He paused mid-flow and reconsidered
“Oh you’re not?”, no you’re not, no I was wrong to say that. His voice now softened.
He crouched to my level and looked me in the eyes.
“You’re are much more than that” he paused for another moment.
You are an arsonist, a liar and a fucking idiot he yelled.
Then just stars……
I then realised that my head had hit the head board of the bed and came to rest on my pillow. I had an incredibly sharp pain shooting down my nose and blood was now pouring over my bedspread.
My mum was screaming, leave him alone, please leave him alone Len, please! She was clawing at his cardigan which was now beginning to stretch completely out of shape.
The corridor directly outside my room was very narrow, bedroom door, airing cupboard door, bedroom door on the left side, on the other a small wall to prevent you falling down the stairwell. It didn’t leave a lot of room.
By now the commotion had attracted the attention of both my sisters but as horrified as theH were to hear what was going on and as concerned as they were that it should stop, there was no way they could get past my mum to help, one lent on my mum and was shouting stop it, and my other sister lent on her and was shouting the same.
It must have looked like they were dancing a macabre conger.
We’ve had the police coming to our front door two days in a row, what do you think our neighbours think of us, eh? Eh?. I’ve had in the pub last night, everyone knows, and it hasn’t even been in the local paper yet.
"Oh yeah, isn’t your son the arsonist?" They said
I’ve fucking had enough of you, you’re fucking useless, I’ve always said you were, you are a fucking curse.
I never wanted you, you were a mistake, you should never have happened.
Just a mistake, and what a mistake you turned out to be. When we had you, we couldn’t afford it but we had you because your mother wouldn’t get rid of you!
And what happened? We couldn’t afford to pay our way. I was out working every hour that God almighty gave and we still couldn’t pay the rent. Why do you think we were being fucking evicted.
He was winding him self up to a fever pitch, both my mum and both sisters ware crying and pleading, it sounded like the choir of the anti-christ as a fundamental Christian preacher smote the possessed child with holy water.
It was because of you, always you, and all of this is you.
Our last chance to have a normal life and you’ve fucked it up.
My mums reasoning turned on a sixpence to an accusation. “Leave him alone, leave him alone for god’s sake leave alone Len, leave him. You’re just as much to blame, you’ve never be a proper father to him!
I’m trying to stop the blood pouring from my nose with the aid of my fingers I have been so shocked that I had unconsciously held my breath, now no longer able to do so I began to fill my lungs as my anguish was welling up and it was reaching fever pitch. My father responded to what my mum had just said by slowly turning round, he jerked his arms violently out with the palms of his hands in a vertical position, making contact with my mums shoulders and drove her backwards, flying on to the floor, this had a domino effect on my sisters too who all landed in a heap. He stood there and gave her an almighty kick.
I said fuck off back down to the kitchen didn’t I? And that means all of you. Fuck off.
I’m gonna do what should have been done a long time ago.
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